Mehh..

I guess that this morning was hard. Not because of Matt or anything, but its just this strange will that I have to do nothing with my life. Even though I told the school that my alarm didn't go off, I was really just wasting my time in bed, and not wanting to get up and live my life. Don't ask me why, I'm not sure why, but I have been wanting that for a while.

I am sitting here, also, waiting a a text back from my beloved. He hasn't texted me back for about an hour, and I'm getting a bit worried. I probably shouldn't be, but I am.. He usually always texts me back. I'm debating on texting his mother to see if he is in bed and not in school, but I'm worried that Mama Wendy is asleep. I don't want to wake her. I guess I'll just sit here and wait for something to happen.

Last night I got to thinking about Matt with one of my friends, Nicole. She was the girlfriend is Matt, but I'm not sure if they were dating when Matt had actually passed, but I do know that she felt some sort of connection with him, because she did love him, and I am sure of this. I know that she is hurting because she did love him, but I don't know if she is hurting the same way that I am. She can love someone else again, but I will never get my brother back.. I will never find someone who was there for me the same way that he was. I will never find someone who will make me feel better about my life the same way that he always did. I really do miss him, because at a time like this I would be texting him to try to make me feel better. Things are gonna be so different.