It's almost as if everything that I have been taught in my life has been based on nothing but a lie.
Well maybe not a lie, but on a strong opinion from the eye of the bad guy.
I've never really thought that there was much about to the world than the opinion past my fathers, or at least, that's how I was brought up.
I was brought up to believe that there was probably nothing more to the world than there is in the small town that I live in, and I had grown accustomed to the repetitive day to day schedule that I had created.
Get up - 6:30
Eat breakfast -6:45
Walk to bathroom - 6:50
Start doing hair - 6:51
Done hair - 7:30
Get school bag - 7:31
Make bed - 7:33
Put on outdoor clothing - 7:34
Get into car - 7:35
Drive to school - 7:36
Arrive in school - 7:40
Walk to class - 7:41
Arrive at class - 7:45
Bell rings - 7:55
Hell begins - 8:00
Team time - 8:02
Block 1 - 8:30
block 2 - 9:50
Walk to block 3 - 11:12
Lunch - 11:15
Block 3 - 12:05
Block 4 - 1:24
Bell rings - 2:45
Get home - 3:00
Lay down in bed - 3:10
Eat dinner - 5:30
Take a shower - 8:30
Get out of shower - 8:40
Boyfriend calls - 9:00
Go to sleep - 10:00
Repeat.
I am like clock work.
And form this, there is not much of a change. On the weekends there are a few added things, what with the assortment of friends and family, as well as finding the time to be with my other half. There is not to much change, nor is there to much excitement in my life. Everything is planned out for me and I am destined to be whatever it is that I am supposed to be, and nothing is expected, more or less of me. I am at a dull mutual stance, and I am content with the life I live.
As well as bored.
I guess its hard for me to realize that things in my life will change and not according to plan. I wasn't prepared for this, and I was never taught the basic life skills that one needs to be able to survive in this hell hole of a world, and most of the time i blame this all on my father.
He has made the habit of cramping me up into a small hole and making sure that my brain gets no bigger, or smaller. That I do everything on que and on time at all times and to the exact inch of what he wants me to do. But this has created a barrier for me.
Some day I will walk into the first place that I call my own and not know how to do a thing. How to make a meal, how to do the laundry, how to make a bed right, how to vacuum, how to do anything with my life besides walking into the house and laying on my bed and waiting for everything to be done for me. As much as this sounds like some sort of paradise for most teenagers, I can't stand it. There is nothing that I want more from life than to know what I am doing with it. I don't want to know what it feels like to be in a place where I have no idea what to do, what needs to be done so I can survive.
I just.
I don't know how I'm going to survive when I'm on my own.
And I'm scared.
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