I'm here to say things that have been on my mind for a while, that I have been mustering up in the back of my head just waiting for the right time for them to come out and become the air that I breathe. But even now as I am sitting here and ready to say everything that I want, I can't seem to find the words..

I have said before that I have grown descenitized to the feeling of missing you - I lied.

I have not become descenitied because every time a love song comes on, my phone vibrates, or I look around my room, I find that pit in my stomach growing deeper and deeper. I say this because I need to be strong, but I can't be strong anymore.

I give a shit. I've given a shit. I've always given a shit.

I always will give a shit and I never want to say anything that will make you think that I ever stopped giving a shit.

and I'm sorry if you ever thought I did..

I found myself reaching off to the distance - I thought you were standing there.

I'm tired of being tough.. I want to cry because I miss you, and I want to smile because I love you. I want to fall to the ground with the pain of the distance, and I want to count the tears I shed missing your eyes.

I want to be back home in your eyes, and back in my bed that is your arms.