I just realized how pathetic everything is.
I'm sitting here listening to the one song that reminds me of everything we are. That ever meant anything to us, and I can't help but feel like everything is different. Like you have fucked up so many times that I don't know if it can ever be restored, like that suicidal teen that has heard to many insults.
I mean, I'm ohkay, I understand that some things die, but I never thought you'd die. I wanted to be everything a fairy tale tells me about with you. I wanted to have those moments that makes the audience sob, I wanted to hear you say all the words every girl wants to hear, I wanted to lay in your arms and know that everything is going to be alright, because no one else matters as much as we do in every moment that we are together, and out of everything, I don't hate you.
I don't hate you for breaking me 5 times.
I don't hate you for treating me like a door mat, only there for when you need me.
I don't hate you for being your whipping stick.
I don't hate you for having sex with me, then not cuddling
I don't hate you for all the missed called, all the unread letters, the forgotten dates, the unsaid words, the underused I love you's.
I don't hate you for anything.
I hate me.
I hate myself for allowing myself to go through this
I hate myself for falling more in love with you
I hate myself for giving myself to you
I hate myself for not seeing the signs
I hate myself for falling for you.
I hate myself for everything i've ever let you do
and let you become.
I hate myself for being a push over and never putting my foot down.
I hate myself.
For putting up with all the bullshit;
For what?
....
...
For you.
Because out of every reason I hate myself.
I hate myself the most for needing you.
For the fact that I know you're the one for me..
But out of everything.
I love myself.
For never doubting it.